Recently I finished School of Prayer and I left having an assurance that I could talk to God and He could in return hear me and speak to me. I also experienced another phenomenal revelation. That I have loved. I have friends and a family that adore me and that is something some people never really have. But amidst all this sometimes I stand afraid. I stand in care of what those I consider friends and family think of me. Whether I even match up to whom they think I am…
Do they really know me? Do I know myself? Would I ever stand fearless and care less of whatever anyone thinks?
Further investigations revealed a tat bit of insecurity that lingers on. The genesis of it is still unknown. Sometimes I rationalize and attribute it to a part of my personality; being a melancholic. Sometimes it to being a thorn in my flesh; something to constantly remind me of my human nature. Sometimes it’ll be an image that is tainted by the difficulties of life which have been thrust towards me and my own failures.
The annoying thing about feeling like so, is the paralysing fear that hinders me from rising and taking a stride towards what I believe to be truth. What I believe to be my destiny.
So I think back to a time when I trusted God with my life and ask myself did I trust Him with my whole entity? Didn’t He choose to die for my sins and to show grace and mercy so that I may be free? A redeemed child, a daughter of the Almighty King?
As I enjoy my 27th Year, I hope to do away with that fear & insecurity. To stand tall and understand there are people who won’t approve of everything I do and others who will cheer me on. Nevertheless, I’ll walk in faith and call on God’s courage to complete what he has ordained for me!
My life is in my Father’s hands so I shall rise up and take my rightful place as a child of God and Daughter of the King.
2Tim 1:7-8 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
Quite an exploratory post. I like the candor that you attempt with self, which I must say is fairly difficult. I'd like to add to the soldier of God masquerading as an IT techie...a woman of substance, a soul with depth and color, a woman of prayer, a friend and confidant to many, a deep and refreshing well sating many a thirsty soul, a great daughter, sister,...and the list goes on...write on Samara, and right on :)
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